John Kerry
America's Football Player

Welcome to the internet's first picture-documentary of Kerry's tragic love affair with America's greatest game:  Football.

Nothing says football like John Kerry getting ready to peg innocent passers-by with his tight spiral.  The only pads this guy needs are a barn jacket complete with pleated pants accessory!

Though most comfortable at the QB position, let it never be said that Kerry isn't willing to change up positions when he knows it'll help the team.  Here we see "wide-out" Kerry coming down with the hail mary and earning his 4th purple heart!

High snap?  Overthrown pass?  No problem!  John Kerry can get to any ball with his patented five-inch vertical leap!  This guy is fresh - check the sports reporters with all their cameras.  Sports Illustrated cannot get enough of this guy.

In his element at the QB position, Kerry shows off his scientifically flawless form in front of NFL scouts.  Peyton Manning, eat your heart out.

One of the things that quarterbacks like about John Kerry is that they don't always have to put the ball right on the numbers.  Kerry, with his quickness and flexibility (likely attributed to his elastic waistband), catches anything in a 10 foot radius.  Here, Kerry gives lessons to Jerry Rice on how to catch the football, eyes closed, and without fancy-schmancy receiver's gloves.

More than just a QB, more than just a receiver, Kerry is a team leader!  He stands tall under intense pressure, and his teammates stick by him even when the chips are down.  Above, Kerry's 8-year-old teammate throws a critical block that allowed Kerry to get his pass off in time.

Kerry's game isn't all about flair and style, it's also about the fundamentals.  Here, Kerry shifts gears and plays some defensive line.  "Whenever a QB throws the ball, get your hands up!," says Kerry, just before making the INT and running the ball back 80 yards for the defensive TD!

John Kerry has the amazing ability to pick out the only open receiver even in traffic.  Here, Kerry checks off his top 3 receivers to hit the running back coming out of the flat - reminding us that good passing is all in the wrist.

Even though John Kerry is a huge football talent, he'll get right in the trenches and play center with the best of them.  He might have taken thousands of snaps in his career, but he still knows how to dish them out.

The gridiron is for men of steel, and John Kerry can take a lick and keep on ticking.  Here, Kerry loses round one to the league's fiercest defender: the blocking bag of pain.

Kerry scrambles...

What makes John Kerry that much better than other quarterbacks is his pocket awareness.  Here, Kerry gets off his pass just in time to avoid the sack from a Boeing 747.

Let there be no mistake, there's only one John Kerry.  His quarterback, wide-receiver, and defensive line experience make him a jack of all trades - the all around football aficionado that fans go crazy for. 

Though John Kerry has put his football career on hold to pursue his political aspirations, the fish cannot stay long from the sea.    Keep your eye out for the 2005 NFL draft.